Movies I Watched Instead of Writing: Part 2

Looney Tunes Back in Action [2003] -- Joe Dante rules. I'm not that big a fan of Bugs and company in general, but Beej picked up both sets and they've been getting a fair deal of action around here. Filled with lots of references, particularly to old sci-fi movies and even a giggle worthy Gremlins joke. Way more fun than I expected and satisfyingly clever. Smarter than your average kids movie.

Garden State [2004] -- I know a lot of people are very divided on this movie and I really didn't expect to like it that much. I thought I would like it initially, but then it seemed a little overly clever and cute for cuteness sake which had been one of the major complaints I had heard. However, some amazing performances (Peter Sarsgaard should be a HUGE star) and a sense of whimsy that is sadly missing from films these days combined to create a very affecting movie. Until the end, but I was able to forgive Zach Braff 'cause he made me cry.

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou [2004] -- Again, a lot of people are divided on this movie but I love everything Wes Anderson does and I really enjoyed this movie. People who complain that it was too cute just don't like his movies because I found this one considerably less auspicious than his previous movies. A fun, strange adventure about fathers and sons. Also, the Portuguese covers of David Bowie songs are really cool.

Albino Alligator [1996] -- Other than a few good performances (William Fitchner and Gary Sinise in particular) this was a totally stale, forgetable caper flick. Only watched it because we were stuck in Chilliwack and I didn't really feel like watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding again. That and Beej wanted to see if Spacey could direct before deriding Beyond the Sea. Let the derision begin.

Attack the Gas Station [1999] -- I'm afraid I'm going to have to rewatch this one because I didn't really realize it was a comedy. I mean, I know it was funny, I'm just not sure I "got" it. It couldn't have helped that I was really tired and possibly a little drunk. Korean pop stars have the best hair.

Ocean's Twelve [2004] -- Hip, clever and surprisingly fun. The kind of movie that seems to revel in its lack of plot. As close as Soderberg's ever come to making a Richard Lester movie.

Holidaze Wrap Up

Hope the Xmas Bunny was good to everyone and a special thank you to everyone who made it out to the D.o.S. Xmassacre 2004. I know you probably all hate me now, but wasn't the food good?...

In other news, RIP Jerry Orbach (Lennie Briscoe from "Law & Order" and the voice of Lumiere in "Beauty and the Beast) who died earlier today. I always considered him extremely underrated and was sad to hear of his passing.

On a happier note, we've started some preliminary plans for the HONEYMOON, including a trip here. I'm so excited I can barely keep still.

Saw a bunch of movies, will try to post mini-reviews later...

More Linkage

Stumbled across a couple new film sites today while "working". The second one in particular, which boast a whack of interesting articles and interviews.

I Guess I'm Not That Surprised...

Well, maybe a little...

My life is rated NC-17.
What is your life rated?

So Cool...

If anyone wants to know what to get me for my birthday, I offer hints here and here.

Fresh New Look

In an effort to trick myself into taking my writing (more) seriously I have opted for a new, sophisticated look. I figure if it looks like I know what I'm doing then I'd better live up to expectations and stick to my deadlines. At least that's the theory...

Let me know if you have trouble reading things since most PCs seem to display things much darker than my sparklingly bright eMac.

For the Nerd in All of Us

Courtesy of Sci-Fi Daily.

Video of both Shatner and Nimoy making total asses of themselves. Granted none of this is new, but if you haven't seen them yet you really should "treat" yourself.

You can thank me later.

Where's The Squirrel Who Says "Wheeee!"?

You are Rejected. An animated short that was
nominated for an Oscar (2000), you seem to have
a hilarious personality that infects other
people. Do you find that people are often
quoting you? I wouldn't be surprised. You're
popular, but can get old pretty fast. Keep
coming up with new material and you'll do fine.

If you don't get the reference, try to find someone
who has Rejected on their computer. If you
don't get the reference, check yourself out at
http://www.bitterfilms.com


What Internet phenomenon are you? -updated-
brought to you by Quizilla

Xmas Massacre 2004!!

A preview of what you'll miss if you don't make it out on the 18th.

For Those of You Who Care

So I finally got off my butt and wrote another D.o.S. column. You can read it on Film Threat here.

Also, in case you were wondering where I've been, below is a list of movies I've watched recently instead on writing my column. With thumbnail reviews and star ratings for enjoyability.

Seoul Train [2004] ****
Devastating documentary about the North Korean underground railroad and the people who risk their lives running it.

Godzilla, Mothra, King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All Out Attack [2001] ***
I've never really been a big Godzilla nut, but this one returns to the original themes of war and devastation and is really exciting to watch. Also, I love Baragon.

Predator [1987] **
No really. I've never seen it before. Actually pretty damn good for what it is.

Elf [2003] ***
If you're not a fan of Will Ferrell you probably shouldn't bother because you just won't like it.

Chronicles of Riddick [2004] **
I call this a throw back movie. Very 1980's sci-fi (think, smashing you over the head with metaphor without a hint of irony). Still, I did fall asleep during one the many 'splosion scenes.

Shrek 2 [2004] ***
PUSS IN BOOTS!!! Other than that, more of the same. Beginning to think Mike Meyers should have been assassinated shortly after the first Austin Powers movie.

The Machinist [2004] ***
I really like this movie, but I'll admit up front, there ain't much to it. Viewing it in the context of Hitchcock helps.

To Catch a Thief [1955] ****
Speaking of Hitchcock. Carey Grant is uber-smooth and Grace Kelly is the pinnacle of elegant.

The Incredibles [2004] ****
Entertaining, exciting and great for nerds and kids alike. A near perfect family movie.

The Iron Giant [1999] ****
Another excellent family film by Brad Bird that had both the boy and I crying like little girls. Tragically underrated and totally mismarketed when it came out.

Hero [2002] ****
Enjoyed this way more than I thought I would. The historical context makes the story even more compelling. Also, Jet Li doesn't suck in it.

Love Actually [2003] ***
Enjoyed this more the second time around. A good warm fuzzy kind of movie to watch with your mom.

Dodgeball [2004] **
Rip Torn makes this movie.

Bourne Supremacy [2004] ****
Really liked the first one (although I have one problem with it), and the sequel similarly succeeds in being a surprising, smarter than average action movie. Also has one of the best car chases captured on celluloid.

More added as I think of them.

ETA:
Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex *But Were Afraid to Ask [1972] ****
Although I do enjoy Woody Allen's work (I have no opinion on his latest films as I have not yet seen them, but I'm not jumping over myself to do so either), I admittedly have not seen most of his early films. The boy and I sat down to rectify this and I have to say it was great. Soooo funny. And it boasts an amazing cast.

Cool Stuff

From Channel4.com, the 10 coolest movie posters of all time.

December D.o.S. Schedule

That's right, the official D.o.S. schedule for December is viewable here, including details of the Second Annual D.o.S. Xmas Massacre.

EEEEeeeeeee!!! I LOVE IT SOOOOO MUCH!!!

You're the brooding goth girl of the Family, Nancy
Fletcher. You date rock stars and take them to
obscure Asian Horror films. Ian Curtis is your
own personal Jesus.


What Vancouver Fletcher Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

My friends who I used to live with made a quiz. We lived in a house in this residential neighborhood. Through kind of a long story we became a family called "The Fletchers" and we each had a Fletcher name and identity. Bet you can't guess who I was. Please take this quiz, I would love to know what kind of Fletchers my new friends are.

Also, for the record, I do not recall ever actually having dated a "rock star" but there was that semester I was blacking out a lot so if you know which rock star I dated could you please let me know because I'm genuinely interested.

Because I Am a Whore

Who needs constant validation.





*HUGS* TOTAL!
give filmgurl more *HUGS*

Get hugs of your own

Last of the Cinemuerte Reviews

Reviews for "Long Weekend", Tobe Hooper's "Toolbox Murders" and the hilarious Canadian short "One Hot Rotting Zombie Love Song". I got to meet the director of OHRZLS, Christophe, at the festival and got a copy to show at next week's Den of Sin, so get excited people.

Also, while I'm plugging my own links, Enter the D.o.S. #19 is up too.

Cinemuerte Reviews

About to wrap up another festival. Has been one hell of a ride so far. Got to meet some great people and see some great movies. For those interested Film Threat's got a few of my reviews up, with a few more to come. So far you can read about "The Uninvited", "Poor Pretty Eddie", "Lady Terminator" & Jeff Lieberman's "Satan's Little Helper".

Linky Linky

While trying to find stills for my Cinemuerte pre-reviews, I stumbled across what looks like a great site for grey market weirdo DVDs. I can't vouch for quality or reliability, and they seem a little on the spendy side ($20 US a DVD), but they do come with custom cover art and carry a lot of stuff I haven't seen elsewhere. If you've heard anything or had experience with them yourself, let me know as I'm dying to try them out.

The site is also worth checking out for the DVD previews and articles. They seem to have something to do with Bananafish magazine, but like I said I found this by accident.

See What Happens When I Get Off My Butt

Enter the D.o.S. #18 now available.

Just Call Me FilmGRRRL -- More Foods for Thoughts

So I found these two articles while at work today through totally different contexts, but they do seem to go together.
First off, Faye Weldon discusses a new "Alfie" for a new generation. Then, I also found a pretty even female perspective on, as I call it "date-rape porn".

I Love My Country

And not just because we don't have Dub'ya.

I found both of these on the CBC site:

The next film festival I just have to cover.

And, the insanely obsure Canadian connection in Star Wars.

Also, I now have a copy of "Has Been" and I love it more than life. Envy me.

In Case Anyone Cares

Enter the D.o.S. #17 is up.

Long Live the Revolution

Found out Thursday night that there was a coup-like regime change at local weekly Terminal City and our lovely friend Bess Lovejoy had been made the new Editor in Chief. Not making too much of this at the time I simply noted that Bess knows that I write and wouldn't it be cool if I was asked to contribute something since it sounds like half of their writers got up and left with the old editor. But I certainly wasn't counting on anything as I'm still in the process of committing to my writing and trying to figure out how to make a career out of it. Well, I was sitting at home last night waiting for Damon and Andria to show up when all of a sudden I get a call from Chris Eng, editor of the Terminal City film section. The boy and I are both big fans of Mr. Eng and I knew from reading his columns that he and I are on the same page, culturally speaking. So you'll pardon me if I plotzed a little when he told me that he'd read some of my Film Threat stuff, liked my writing and wanted me to start contributing columns, biweekly like. Granted I'm still not getting paid for it, but being in a publication with circulation like Terminal City and with a general audience (not just film nerds) will be excellent experience, as will actually collaborating with an editor on pieces.

Needless to say, I'm stoked. Now I just need to get off my ass and write something...

Wait a Minute...

So, it's Saturday so I'm doing some chores, and when I do chores on Saturday I like to listen to music. Being bored with my iTunes selections (and still trying to find an efficient way to avoid the three billion Frank Black songs the boy downloaded when I hit "shuffle") I decided to try out some internet radio. I like internet radio. I like that there are no commercials, and especially I like that there usually aren't any inane DJs babbling about how funny they are. I also like that you can listen to stations from all over the world, with all kinds of interesting and unusual programming. One of my current faves is The Green Lounge. They play a great mix of old crooners, movie hits from the golden age of Hollywood (who else plays Mario Lanza on the radio!?) and contemporary lounge. But today I decided to be a little nostalgic and try out an "alternative" station. One that plays all the music I used to listen to in high school. Guess what, it's still boring. So I decided to try this Dutch station called Zeilsteen Radio, naively thinking that it would all be pop-y fun Euro-alternative. And what are they playing?

Tom Fucking Cochran.

WTF?!!?

More of my self-important babble

Film Threat has finally posted Enter the Den of Sin #16.

Stayed tuned for my film fest recap: VIFF 04 -- Sixteen Days of Meh

Mark Your Calendars

Because I'm making a concerted effort to get my shit together I present the schedules for October and November. Please note that screenings now happen on Wednesday nights, except for October 26 which is a Tuesday since Cinemuerte starts on the Wednesday that week.

Also, I am accepting suggestions for the second annual Den of Sin Xmas Massacre...

This is for the Nerdy Girls

Enjoy.

filmgurl's VIFF picks

Despite not being given press accreditation, I was able to score some ticket vouchers through work and do plan on attending and reviewing a number of films. Listed below is what I have tickets for so far:

Sun Sep 26 9:30pm: A Hole In My Heart -- New film by Lukas Moodysson ("Fucking Amal"). Sure to be heartbreaking.

Mon Sep 27 8:45pm: Pink Ribbon -- Documentary on Japanese subgenre of softcore movies where many respected Japanese directors started out.

Fri Oct 1 9:45pm: Izo (!) -- Miike Takashi film about a time traveling samurai. 'Nough said.

Sat Oct 2 4:00pm: The Love Crimes of Gillian Guess -- Remember her? Bruce MacDonald ("Roadkill", "Hard Core Logo") made a movie about her. And Hugh Dillon is in it.

Mon Oct 4 9:30pm: Terkel in Trouble -- Danish computer animated feature described as being kinda like "South Park", only darker.

Tue Oct 5 7:00pm: Time of the Wolf -- Michael Haneke's ("The Piano Teacher") take on post apocalypse.

For theatre locations and other info check out the Vancouver International Film Fest website

It's Baaaaack....

Yes, it's true. There will be a Cinemuerte VI. It will run from Oct 27 - 31. The program has been announced and is viewable here. It's kinda like Christmas in July for the boy and I since much of what is playing is stuff we missed at Fantasia. Especially exciting is the Canadian premier of "The Manson Family" (previously "Charlie's Family") with director Jim Van Bebber in attendance. Those who caught the work print of "Charlie's Family" at last year's Torture Garden will especially not want to miss it. A true work of art it is both fascinating, disturbing, intelligent and exploitively graphic.

Other highlights include the latest Miike Takashi new-school Japanese horror movie "One Missed Call", a bizarro Japanese indie called "Gusher No Binds Me", the Indonesian action overload "Lady Terminator" and a (rare) uncut print of the 1973 TV movie "Frankenstein: The True Story".

I will likely be all over the festival as I fully intend to volunteer for the fest and document it for Film Threat so I hope to see lots of you there.

Foods For Thoughts

I have always preferred the British school of film criticism and analysis over most of what is going on over here. When given a choice between a film book published here or in the UK, even if the subject is North American in origin I will always choose the British option. American film journalism is either exclusively intellectual or vapidly gossipy, and Canadian film journalism either apes American examples to the point of parody (because the fact is no one cares what Nicholas Campbell ate for breakfast, if they're even aware of who he is), or only appeals to the 200 people the constitute the Canadian "industry". However, in the UK even the fluffy "entertainment" sections of British newspapers include numerous intelligent, well researched and intriguing articles. I found a great one recently from The Independent about the new trend of transgressive sex and violence in contemporary French film. It is a very good primer on the subject and is able to put the trend in the context of both French film history and French art in general.

While I was searching for the article to link to, I stumbled across The Guardian film section which also includes some intriguing articles, especially in the context of re-examining Hollywood and American celebrities that we take for granted in North America as being "stars". I recommend checking them both out as I hope to do so more in the future.

The rest of September

Being that school is back in session we have noticed a considerable drop off in attendance, but I'm hoping that once we get into a better rhythm with the schedules things will improve. So, here is the program for the second to last week in September.

Tuesday September 21/04
Back to Classics... classic perversion that is!

7pm: Doctor X [1932] -- Thanks to the financial triumph of "Dracula" at the box office, movie studios in the thirties were desperate to jump onto the horror bandwagon, some with more success than others. The engineers of the Hays Code frantically tried to play catch up, but things still fell between the cracks. This was MGM's Michael Curtiz's shot at things, and he didn't shy away from anything: sadism, blood, implied incest... it's all here folks. Also notable for Fay Wray ("King Kong") and the use of an early two-colour Technicolor process.

9pm: Freaks [1932] -- Extremely controversial when it was released and something of a hot button to this day, many people consider this Tod Browning's ("Dracula") masterwork (well it certainly wasn't "Dracula", IMHO). A beautiful but cruel trapeze artist marries a circus midget in an attempt to inherit his fortune. When the rest of the side show learn of her treachery, they inflict an even crueler vengence. Surreal and troubling still. Features real side show freaks.

I'm back, baby!

So I finally got off my lazy duff and finished the columns for Film Threat I'd been sitting on, so D.o.S. #14 is available here now.

Also, in an effort to make our lives less chaotic and allow me more time to plan The Big Day, the Boy and I have decided to make movie night every other week as every week was really starting to grind us down. That means that screenings in September are on Tuesday Sept. 7th and Tuesday Sept. 21. There is a partial schedule up on the left now with the rest to follow shortly.

Other events I'm looking forward to include covering the first Vancouver International Hip Hop Film Festival Sept 1 - 5, The Vancouver International Film Festival Sept 23 - Oct 8 and Cinemuerte VI Oct 27 - 31.

"Whoever Wins, We Lose"

Boy do we ever. Being that we're trying to scale down movie night and make it a little more compatible with the rest of our lives we opted to make this week a field trip (read: I didn't have to vacuum) and since it was the boy's month he picked the movie: "Alien v. Predator". Why is yet to be determined, but I supposed he still held some hope that it would at least be fun despite having spent the better part of a year complaining about how much it was going to suck. Luckily neither one of us had to pay for it since he had his coupon from the "Predator Special Edition" DVD he'd just bought and I snagged the coupon from our copy at work. I did not go in expecting to hate the movie, but I didn't expect it to be very good. The best I could hope for was fun, which is what a surprising number of critics had said. These critics had better get their heads out of their asses quick because they might suffocate. It was easily one of the most tired, boring, unsuspenseful "action-horror" movies I had ever sat through. The complete lack of gore also didn't help, since that was pretty much the only thing that may have made it passably enjoyable. But no, no joy, no gore, no fun. Yes, part of the reason it sucked so hard was because it had the gaul to piss all over one of the best horror movies of all time and two of the better action movies of all time. It says a lot that the scariest moment belonged to a penguin. Luckily there was no techno (a hallmark of the films of Paul W. S. Anderson) but at least that would have helped make the (BAD) attempts at camp make sense. Nothing made sense, we never got to know the characters except for Lance Hendrickson (who could read the phone book and I'd watch) everyone was so stupid you just waited for them to get hacked to bits in a really grizzly fashion, but the filmmakers buggered that too since you never saw anything. The whole thing was just too fucking stupid. The dialogue was redundant, the characters braindead, the deliberate use of actors with accents annoying (this isn't Classic Trek for fuck's sake), arrggh! The rest of our group had managed to sneak in a couple of mickeys of SoCo, but I sadly had to stay sober (against my better judgment) as a result of my ongoing stomach difficulties. This did not stop me from being a giggly annoying fuck the entire movie. Afterwards I offered to hold down the boy so that our poor friends who had paid good money to witness this piece of shit could each get a shot in but most of them declined, taking responsibility for their own bad judgment. A bitch session was held in the round on Granville street directly outside the theatre where possible solutions for the general crapiness were bandied about. Our conclusions? The following, alone or in combination may have helped:
1. One or more pro Wrestlers, new skool or old skool.
2. Ice Cube
3. A character we could give a crap about.
4. The Thing (John Carpenter's)
5. Alien penguins
6. Keith David
7. Tits, or at least a Predator/Sanaa Lathan make-out scene...

Got Some Spare Time Between Now and October?

For some reason I've been sent a link for Vancouver International Film Festival Volunteer Forms, so if you've got some free time and like movies then this is a great opportunity. I on the other hand will hopefully get a press pass so can just kiss my lazy butt.

Interesting considering I had no idea what I was doing...

Which random shout by the guy from Teen Girl Squad are you?

I Don't Normally Do This Kind Of Thing...

but I actually feel very strongly about this. The "this" I am refering to is "Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle". Is it going to be stupid, probably. Is it going to be gross, probably. Is it revolutionary? Absolutely. I had plans to write all sorts of editorials about why this movie is so important, about the representation of Asians in American mass media, about why Neela on E.R. needed a whole episode explaining that she's Indian, about why "Broken Blossoms" is a rascist movie, but then I got sent this email that basically sums it all up. Please read, and if you're not doing anything this weekend maybe we should make plans...

July 24, 2004

Dear Friends, Fans, Haters, Players, and True Money Makers,

Hey! This is Kal Penn (aka Kalpen Modi) and John Cho writing to encourage you to go see our upcoming comedy from New Line Cinema, "Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle," opening nationwide on July 30th. This film marks the first time a major studio is releasing a project with two Asian American males as the leads. We don't have stereotypical accents, we don't passively tread through the story, we're not asexual or hypersexual, there are no martial arts scenes, one-dimensional cab driver segments. We play a couple of all-American guys who happen to be of Indian and Korean descent. Our characters (Harold and Kumar) are post-collegiate buddies who get the munchies and end up going on the adventure of their lives as they set out to satisfy a spontaneous craving for White Castle burgers. Ebert and Roeper just gave our movie "Two Thumbs Up"! We hope you will too. Read on.

The opening weekend for any film is extremely important. Studio executives (the people who make big decisions about movies) track the numbers from that first weekend's ticket sales and make all kinds of decisions based on that data. They decide if they will add more screens to show a film, if they will spend more money in promoting it, if they will start investing in a sequel... but most importantly, they decide if elements of the film work and whether they should do it again. In our case, that means they will be asking, "Will a strong script and story succeed or fail with 2 Asian American guys in non-stereotypical roles?". We personally think it will succeed, but we need your help! This film is our chance to prove that realistic, non-stereotypical depictions can make an audience have a blast, and take in enough money to make this happen in the future.

By buying a ticket to "Harold and Kumar go to White Castle", you aren't just gonna get to see a really funny movie with two dudes who look like you. Nope. You're also going to be saying to media outlets, "I support accurate representation of Asian Americans and would like to see more." You have the power to change things simply by buying a ticket to a film that we believe you'll have fun watching anyway!

Please go to the theaters next weekend and watch "Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle". We look at this awesome opportunity like we do voting in an election. Every movie ticket someone buys is a VOTE, and the cool part is, you're allowed to vote as many times as you want. With your support of the film, we will show decision-makers in Hollywood that supporting movies like these is not only the right thing to do, but is also good business. We'll also show YOU what it's like to ride a cheetah, hang glide off a cliff, pick up a hitchhiking Neil Patrick Harris (Doogie Howser), tell off a bunch of ignorant punks, get love interests, and sing Wilson Phillips at the top of our lungs.

So just hold on for one more... week, and check out the website at www.HaroldandKumar.com. This film opens the weekend of July 30th! Send this email to all of your friends. Throw parties. Order food. Make a night (or weekend) out of it and go see "Harold and Kumar go to White Castle"! This is a landmark opportunity for the Asian American community, and we are proud to be the faces involved. With your support and the success of this film, we hope that it's only the beginning of many more Asian Americans on screen...

Enjoy the movie,

Kal Penn and John Cho
"Kumar" and "Harold"

Wherein I Apologize for My Absence...

and then promptly get on to other business. For those interested the rest of the trip went well. I never did get my photo with Udo, but hey there's always next time. Unfortunately I don't have photo abilities on the ol' bloggy currently (I'm hoping to work this out soon) so I can't show you what photos we did manage to take (which admittedly isn't much anyway). At some point I do plan on doing a more comprehensive recap, but right now I'm just wasting time at work.

First order of business: Who Knew Working With Russ Meyer Would Make You Crazy?!
For reasons I can't really explain with much clarity, last night the Boy and I watched "The Double D Avenger" with the Joe Bob Briggs commentary. It should be noted that this is the only way this film can or should be watched, if it should be watched at all. As the Boy is a big Russ Meyer fan he had been keen on this film, until he actually watched it. Joe Bob does a pretty good job of being entertaining when the film isn't (which is most of the time) and includes a hilarious interlude where to save us from 5 whole minutes of exposition Joe Bob simply recites breast euphemisms. For 5 whole minutes. It's at about 2 minutes in when you realize that he means to take up the whole 5 minutes with this juvenile tactic that the pure comic genius starts to shine through. However, the Boy and I agree whole heartedly that the most entertaining part of the whole exercise were the excerpts from the websites of Haji ("Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!", "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls" etc) and Raven De La Croix ("Up!"). I highly, highly recommend them if you need a good laugh sometime, or if you just like looking at old chicks with big tits. Either way, very entertaining.

One of these days we might see something besides movies...

Okay, so we've left Outremont and returned to our hostel now that the Jazz festival is winding down and there are rooms available in the city. We had a wonderful two days staying with Andrea's friend Julia and her mother Jocelyn who were both nothing but lovely and generous. We were treated to delicious (and nutricious) breakfasts both days which were much needed after nearly a week of pizza and falafels. Although the eats are generally very good here in Montreal we haven't been able to get out of the Downtown core much and as a result have had to choose between pricy and crap. We did manage to find an excellently priced Indian buffet last night which was such an amazing coup (all you can eat for $12!!!!) and since it was in the tourist district nothing was too spicy of weird. Certainly not as good as anything on Main St, but just what we needed last night.

Caught three movies yesterday (Godzilla, Ginger Snaps III: The beginning (aka Ginger Snaps Back) and Dead and Breakfast. Good thing we saw "Dead and Breakfast" as a midnight show 'cause we probably would have hated it otherwise. Film Threat has already posted my reviews of Wonderful Days and 8th Diagram Pole Fighter if you were interested.

Anyhoo, that's the quick update. More later after we get settled back at the Auberge.

We have been banished...

...but we shall return.

Since the hostel is all booked up because of the Jazz Festival we will be spending tonight and tomorrow with Andrea's friend Julia in Outremont who has kindly offered to put us up. Currently having some difficulty because the very nice woman who runs the hostel isn't here and we're not sure where to leave our keys or who to pay.

Spent yesterday walking down St. Catherine's to Concordia. Were going to take the Metro all the way, but our connecting train was delayed and I couldn't understand anyting on the extra scratchy P.A. so I said screw it and off we went. Only ended up with one new blister (after our first day in New York I had 4 on each foot, eeeewwwww). Managed to meet up with Jeremy after another pricey but quality meal downtown and then settled into festival mode. Met Mitch the festival director who informed me that Kier-La would be arriving in the next couple days. Will be nice to see a familar face even if it's not someone we know terribly well. Watch two movies and a short doco about a female horror director. Really enjoyed the first film, "Wonderful Days" eventhough I didn't expect to. Boy was more lukewarm. Will try to write a review (my first this trip) later today. Also caught "Ju-On: The Grudge" again. Improved subtitles helped with some of the details missed on the DVD we watched. Audience seemed to mirror our initial reaction of laughing first, then as things picked up there was a girl behind us chanting "oh shit, oh shit, oh shit". Though about crashing the after party, but being that we're still not sure when the Metro closes decided to just call it a night.

Back to the safety of Canada

Okay, we arrived in Montreal last night after an extra long train ride (try 11 hours!) and so far we are loving every minute of it. I'm sure the fact that we're staying in the heart of Vieux Montreal in the cutest hostel in the world (!) helps. The hostel is called "la maison du patriote" and it really is set up like a home away from home. The private rooms are gorgeous if plain (although upstairs in the dorm area there is a "room" that's actually a tent). The people who run the place put your name in chalk on the door to the room you are staying in. We arrived to "Brian & Fillance" with little hearts. Took a quick boo around town, absolutely stunning, and ate a late dinner in a neat little eatery (they litter the street like garbage here). A little pricey, but on par for the neighborhood and a high quality of food.

Now for a quick summary of our stateside adventures:

July 4: Woke up late, Xian treated us to pancakes. Went to Scarecrow which was pretty much the only place open. Boy only bought a couple of DVDs and was very disciplined (I'm so proud). Later we ate garden burgers and insano garlic fries at Kid Valley. This was at Xian's prompting as he really wanted to sabotage the rest of the passengers on our flight. Spent the next day tasting and smelling of garlic, but it was worth it if only for the knowledge that we'd inconvenienced a bunch of strangers with our stench. Got on plane. First time I ever had to put my shoes through the X-Ray machine. Tried to sleep. Arrived in Pheonix earlier than scheduled and ate BBQ at the airport while waiting for our connecting flight to New York. Tried to sleep on plane to New York. I succeeding for about 4-5 hours, the boy did not.

July 5: Arrived in New York around 6 am to a hot sweltering blanket of "air". Boy commented on how if we got hungry we should just open our mouths and chew. Got to "hotel sketchyville" around 7:30 am, were not allowed to check in and were generally unimpressed with strange bug-eyed man at the front desk. Managed to ditch our stuff in the basement and proceeded to kill time in Midtown. Being that nothing was open yet (things would be pretty quiet) I decided to take the boy to Times Square so he could at least say he saw it. Ate a breakfast wrap and generally dreamed about 3 pm when we would be allowed to check in and shower. Ahhh, sweet sweet shower. Dragged delirious boy through H&M so I could buy new trendy clothes. Lucked out as they were having a sale and also picked up multiple sparkly accessories for The Big Day. Took turns sleeping in Bryant park. Boy was muchly impressed with quality of the bathroom there. Wandered through Rockerfeller Square (once we found it, we were both quite out of it by this time). Got caught in a flash storm then remembered we're from Vancouver and sucked it up. Laughed at panicked tourists and got back to hostel just in time to find out that they don't take payment by credit card and needed to pay cash up front. Even less impressed. Room was fine, but the "fridge" didn't work and the mattresses seemed to have been found in an alley out back or something as the springs poked into our backs something awful. No dead hookers stuffed in them though so I guess it could have been worse. Managed to cool off thanks to the fan (no air conditioning for us) in our room and jaunted off to meet Louie. Louie took us to Grey's Papaya for hotdogs and juice then down to the UCB theatre to see a live interview with Adam McKay (director of "Anchorman" and former head writer for SNL). NY is so cool, despite the boy's lockerroom smell. Ate baked fries at Better Burger in Chelsea with Louie, his new roommate Tiffany Morningstar and assorted improv people then retreated to the hostel for precious sleep.

July 6: Deliberately woke up quite late. Wandered through Central Park then met up with Louie who guided us through Greenwich and the East Village. Got to see Toy Tokyo (I bought a clock nazi from the "Hell Boy" vending machine), St. Mark's street and Love Saves the World. Wandered through "Trash and Vaudeville" and laughed and laughed at a $90 white t-shirt with small holes in it. Ate at a nice trendy bistro called "Yaffa" and then had some drinks at the "remote lounge" where we spied on te other patrons (all three of them) and took silly pictures. Wandered back up to hotel sketchyville and crashed hard.

July 7: Ran to train station and made it there just as they were boarding. Train ended up leaving late and was too cold for me to sleep. Managed to kill time talking to amusing man beside me who kept telling the story about being told by his barber that he couldn't get the haircut he wanted because the barber liked his way better. Still don't really get it, but to each his own. Walk to hostel was much shorter than expected and hostel itself much (much) nicer.

July 8: Getting a slow start to the day. Will head down to Concordia in a little while to pick up press passes and experience start of FantAsia. Should be hooking up with Jeremy Knox who was not able to meet us at train station (no harm no foul anyway since the train was about an hour late).

that's it for now. More adventures as they happen.

And we're off...

So, the adventure has begun. Started off running to the train station yesterday morning since as usual we were running behind. Got to the station just in time to find out that our 8:15 bus was actually an 8:45 bus, but that we had to wait for the ticket booth to open at 8:15 because we bought out tickets online and didn't physically have them yet. But the ticket window didn't open at 8:15, it opened at closer to 8:25 despite the number of people milling around behind the ticket booth not really doing anything. Then we find out that the machine that prints the tickets isn't working and they have to labouriously write out a receipt by hand (with perfect deliberate handwriting no less) so that we can get on our bus. Despite all this the bus to Seattle was actually quite uneventful. Got to the hotel in Surrey (one of two pick-up stops on the way to the border) just as a horse drawn carriage carrying the groom in an Indian wedding arrived and the bride's family and all of the guests were out front to meet him. Quite cool.

Even on day one this is shaping up to be an ultimate film nerd vacation. Killed time downtown by (finally) watching Fahrenheit 911. I did enjoy it, although I know to take most Michael Moore stuff with a grain of salt. A lot of what was covered were things I was already aware of thanks in large part to the CBC and the Daily Show. Still worth seeing if only for the debate it is creating. After some very good (and very greasy) pizza and American beer (which I can drink oddly enough) courtesy of Xian it was decided that instead of the midnight show of The Muppets Take Manhattan that I had originally suggested we would go see the director's cut of Donnie Darko since it was unlikely to ever see the light of day up in Canadia. Although I did really enjoy the film the first time I saw it on DVD, the new edition does help to clarify a few things and ultimately ended up increasing my enjoyment of the original edition, although I feel that the original should be the definitive cut, if that makes any sense. Later relaxed in the laboratory with Miyuki, Xian and Xian's friend Brian (with the awesome green muscle car) watching some Red Dwarf and then off to bed.

Now it's off to the U District after I play with Xian's wily little kitten some more...

I must share this with everyone...

Even though we're running around like little chickens getting ready for the trip I had to had to had to share the love.

Oh, And For Those Who Missed It

Film Threat has posted my newest column. For those too lazy to find it in the links to the left, it's here. It'll be my job to provide reviews for them from FantAsia so check them out in the weeks to come as well.

It's Gettin' Closer...

In anticipation of our upcoming trip, I have been a busy little beaver (heh) revamping the ol' bloggy with lovely new colours and commenting. My goal is to do a daily (or whenever I can get to a computer) travel journal for all of you following at home, so starting Saturday check in everyday for the latest on the Planes, Trains and Automobiles Tour (official T-shirts coming soon).

The itineray so far:
Saturday July 3rd -- Leave Vancouver for Seattle. Shop downtown. Hook-up w/ Xian and Miyuki & eat pizza. Sleep.
Sunday July 4th -- Pilgrimage to Scarecrow Video. Prevent boy from buying anything. Go to airport. Narrowly avoid getting strip searched, leave for New York.
Monday July 5th -- Arrive in New York at godforsaken hour of the morning. Attempt to check into hostel. Loiter around MidTown like "taurists". Meet Louie at work. Have fun. Maybe got to a UCB show.
Tuesday July 6th -- More fun in N.Y. Want to see Avenue Q. Probably can't afford it, we'll see.
Wednesday July 7th -- Leave N.Y. for Montreal on the Train. Hopefully meet up with our Film Threat contact in the evening. Check into cute little B&B style hostel in Old Montreal.
Thursday July 8th to Thursday July 15th -- FantAsia Baby!!!!
July 16 -- Leave Montreal for N.Y. Stay with Louie in his fabulous new apartment in Astoria.
July 17 -- Leave New York for Seattle.
July 18 -- Arrive in Seattle at godforsaken time of 2am. Abuse Xian's kind offer of a pick-up. Leave Seattle for home. Sleep.

Yet More of My Babbling Nonsense

Enter the D.o.S. #s 9 & 10 are up. I've got three more columns up my sleeve and then the Boy and I are off to New York & Montreal for two weeks to attend the FantAsia Film Festival. I'm planning on doing daily updates on the bloggy here so check back to see what we're up to and I should have a bunch of reviews on Film Threat too.

'cause you guys keep whining...

as requested, a link to Enter the Den of Sin # 8. (You'll notice that I've archived the rest in the links column to the left).

I'm Done Being a Bum

Okay, sorry for the prolonged absence. You can view June's D.o.S. schedule here. I promise they will be done in a more timely fashion from now on. Also a big shout out to my fans (!?) Jeremy and Cool Breeze. Thanks for the support.

More Talking Out of My Ass...

Enter the Den of Sin #3

Easter Fun (Especially for Rachael)

I'm not sure what's creepier, the Exorcist, or the bunnies.

Fresh New Column

Read Enter the Den of Sin #2 here. There's even a back talk section now (even though the link's wrong, if you go to the main site and click on "back talk" then click on "active threads" you should be able to find it).

This One's For All The Rice Kings Out There...

You're welcome.

They Posted It! They Posted It!!

Read my first weekly column on Film Threat here.

Let me know what you think.

Oh. My. Gawd.

In a fit of uncontrolled narcissism I decided to google my name (you know, for kicks) and discovered that I am now included in the Rotten Tomatoes database of Internet Film Critics. Weird.

I HAVE A COLUMN!!!!

i don't know how i did it, but i seem to have talked film threat into giving me my own regular column.

details to follow.

Still More Reviews...

I still recommend Jersey Girl if only for Mr. Number One Man-Crush himself, Ben Affleck.

Jersey Girl [2004]

I have a confession. I actually feel kinda sorry for Ben Affleck. I realize this isn’t a very popular opinion in these “post Bennifer” days, but you gotta admit, he really is an easy target. Part of the reason we enjoy picking on him so much is because he is something most of us are not: rich, charming, good looking and most surprisingly of all, genuinely talented. True Mr. Affleck has not had many opportunities to exhibit said talent (although I have not seen “Gigli” myself, I will take everyone’s word for it) and part of the blame should go to him for choosing his opportunities so poorly (although we can take relief in his recent vow not to make any more action movies), but when he was good (“Chasing Amy”, “Daredevil” eventhough the rest of the movie was extremely disappointing) he showed the potential to be great. With “Jersey Girl”, although he may not quite be there yet he comes the closest he has yet and best of all he finally seems to be going in the right direction.

This is very easily his best film since “Chasing Amy”, and had the potential of be Kevin Smith’s best film period had it not been sunk by contrivance in the third act. However, I am willing to overlook this for the sheer amount of heart this film contains. As corny as is sounds, and inevitably is, one cannot help but love this movie and its big sloppy message about the importance of family. The jokes are sharp, the tone is earnest and the supporting cast is also very good, particularly Stephen Root.


The film opens with Kevin Smith’s take on “kids say the darnedest things” as the students of a first grade Catholic school class take their turns reading essays about their familes. This is where we are introduced to Gertie Trinke (Raquel Castro) who tells the story of how her father Ollie (Ben Affleck) and mother Gertrude (Jennifer Lopez) met and fell in love. We learn that Ollie was a very successful music publicist living big in New York City who was forced to give it all up when Gertrude died during childbirth with Gertie, and he had a total meltdown causing him to lose his job. We also learn of how he moved back to Jersey with his functioning-alcoholic father Bart (a marvelous turn by George Carlin) who ass-kicked him into taking responsibility for his little girl.

We rejoin the story in the present day with Ollie now a street cleaner like his father, who has devoted his entire life to his little girl. But, despite this seeming domestic bliss Ollie still yearns to return to the big life in the city, continually going for meaningless interviews with people who have absolutely no intention of hiring him. There are some amusing scenes which illustrate Ollie’s straightforward style of parenting and Raquel Castro is the perfect child actor with a sense of comic timing far beyond her young years. The rapport that she and Affleck have in this film is so effortless and natural that it is possible to forget that they are not actually related.

This also is where Liv Tyler gets added to the mix as Maya, the ultimate fan-boy dream girl (she works at a video store, is incredibly smart, looks like Liv Tyler and has a mouth like a sailor) the inevitable love interest for Ollie. Ms. Tyler too proves her comedic chops, although it is not hard to understand how it would be greatly amusing to see Liv Tyler talking about how often she masturbates. Unfortunately this is where things start to fall apart a bit as the rest of the story starts to devolve into “standard-dramedy-routine-where-imature-male-figure-must-choose-adulthood-and-family-over-himself”, complete with rushing to get to the school play in time. Although the ending was subverted slightly by the fact that the school play they were participating in was “Sweeny Todd”, the payoff had been telegraphed so far in advance that any comedic teeth it may have had were filled down to nubs. Yet despite all of this predictability, I still found myself moved by the performance of Mr. Affleck.

This is a movie about growing up and taking responsibility for one’s actions and Affleck does a wonderful job of taking his usual “smarmy jerk” character, and turning it into an honest study of a grown man’s “coming of age”.

More Reviews...

Good bye, Lenin! [2004]

For a film about the fall of the Berlin Wall, there sure are a lot of laugh’s in Wolfgang Becker’s surprising fourth feature, Good bye, Lenin!. That he is able to deliver a film as intelligent and ultimately heartwarming based on such a seemingly contrived plot is a true testament of his ability as a director. Alex’s mother Christiane (Katrin Sab) has a heart attack and falls into a coma shortly before the fall of the Berlin wall. A socialist enthusiast since her husband defected to the West when Alex (Daniel Bruhl) was a child, Alex feels very protective of his mother. So when mom miraculously emerges from her coma eight months later and the doctor explains that any surprises could be fatal to her, Alex decides that the best strategy is to pretend that the Wall never fell.

Although the results are not nearly as slapstick as one might expect, there is still a feeling of surreality to plot which both heightens the comedy and underlines the basic absurdities of any strict political system. Most of the political observations are based on how politics affect day to day life: what kinds of food are available, what kind of clothes you wear, how families are divided. This is made particularly clear in the way that Alex’s treasure hunt for old jars and labels of socialist food in which to repackage the new cornucopia of Western delights that fill the store shelves (so as not to pique his mother’s curiosity) turns into an epic quest.

But that’s as strong as the political commentaries get, director Wolfgang Becker preferring to focus specifically on the Kerner family and the changes they undergo. Both Alex and his sister Ariane (Maria Simon) are nurturing new found romances in the midst of all this deception, Alex with a pretty student nurse from Russia named Lara (Chulpan Khamatova) and Ariane with her Western boss at her new job working at Burger King, Rainer (Alexander Beyer). Both of these relationships would be considered nontraditional, however they are presented as loving and supportive without the need of a “payoff”(i.e. marriage or a proposal of marriage) to validate them. Becker instead uses their compliance with Alex’s bizarre scheme as proof of their commitment to the Kerner family as they also acknowledge that his deception is driven by his deep love for his mother.

Also embroiled in this plot are Alex’s coworker Denis (Florian Lukas), a would be filmmaker who’s deadpan delivery during the fake socialist news reports they create add to the innate silliness of the entire proceedings; and the elderly residents of the apartment complex where the Kerner’s live. For them the elaborate game of make believe is a kind of solace from the real world where the system that had promised to care for them for the rest of their life has vanished.

One might think that it is odd that a film based on such a loaded historical event would be so warm and comforting, but in presenting a rewritten version of history Becker is able focus on what ultimately keeps us going in times of political uncertainty: family, love and togetherness.

Jim Carrey is sooooo good, I forgot it was him!!!

At last, fresh new review. And about damn time. To answer everyone's question: yes, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is everything we hoped it would be. So good. The boy was in tears.

Read all about it:

ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND [2004]
Although much has been made of Jim Carrey’s ability or lack there as a dramatic actor, the truth is he hasn’t really had much chance to prove it. With the exception of “Man on the Moon” most of his performances (“Truman Show” included), have really just been ‘ol Jim toning it down a notch while everyone else around him seems to pander to his wackiness. At best he was “Jim Carrey” with fewer facially contortions. At worst he was downright boring. I certainly had my doubts as to whether he was capable of playing someone who wasn’t just “Fire Marshall Bill” with less volume. However, it can safely be said that in “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” Jim Carrey has actually crafted a character from his soul and his performance is truly remarkable. Carrey’s Joel is shy, nervous and introverted, but not in a neurotically twitchy way like Nicholas Cage in “Adaptation”. We generally care about him and aren’t just waiting for him to do something funny. By getting Carrey to dispose of his usual schtick director Michel Gondry has exposed a beautiful and vulnerable side to the man who introduced “ass talking” to the multiplexes.

Also a revelation is Gondry’s direction. After teasing us with his numerous insanely clever music videos, “Eternal Sunshine” puts him in a league with Wes Anderson, Spike Jonze and Sofia Copola as one of the most refreshing directors in working in Hollywood right now. Although very entertaining and genuinely funny, his first feature “Human Nature” was a little too mired in the outlandish to be truly brilliant and ended up feeling too much like a retread of his Bjork collaborations. “Eternal Sunshine” instead is fresh, heartfelt and ultimately heartbreaking in it’s honest portrayal of a modern relationship.

I won’t give away too much of the plot as the true impact of the film is found in navigating the intricacies of the story and the way in which it is told. Joel (Jim Carrey) has just found out that his girlfriend Clementine (Kate Winslet) has erased her memory of him on a whim after a particularly nasty fight. Heartbroken and defeated Joel decides that the best way to get over her is to have the procedure done as well. Now, this is where things get a little bit harder to relate as the film deftly oscilates between the story of Joel and Clementine’s relationship (told backwards, mostly), Joel’s own feelings towards Clementine as related through his memories, Joel’s memories and their psychological ramifications, Joel’s consciousness of the procedure being performed on him during his memories, and the relationships between the people performing the procedure (Elijah Wood, Kirstin Dunst, Tom Wilkinson and a completely unrecognizable Mark Ruffalo) and their relationships to Joel and Clementine.

Being that the film was scripted by Charlie Kaufman one might not expect the film to have as uplifting an ending as it ultimately does, as most of his films could hardly be accused of extolling human virtue. Yet somehow, because of how painful it does get in fact, the final twist resonates that much stronger and we are left with a film that has quietly and powerfully lived up to it’s potential.

Sorry for the Prolonged Absence

More reviews soon, I promise.

In the meantime, this is my new favourite thing ever. Thanks to Owen for turning me on to it.

I Am An Old Wedding Cake

In Japan, that's what they used to call a woman who wasn't married by 25.

Happy Birthday to me.

Also, I have jumped a census box. I guess I'm a grown-up now.

Movie Review: The Rhino Brothers [2002]

Caught this one on DVD.
Total surprise. Highly Recommended. And it's Canadian.

Finally. Finally someone has made a really good hockey movie. Sure, I love “Slapshot” as much as the next girl, but let’s be honest: it just seems unfair that Canada’s national pastime should be reduce on celluloid to a man in a jockstrap holding a trophy aloft. Compared with the wealth of dramatically complex films about baseball (“Eight Men Out”, “Pride of the Yankees”, “Bull Durham”...) produced by our brothers south of the border, you’d think that someone in the Great White North would have produced a film that honestly and powerfully portrays the sport our country loves so much. Well, newcomer Dwayne Beaver has made that film.

The “Rhino Brothers” begins with the return home of youngest son Stefan Kanachowski (Curtis Bechdholt) from a stint in the minor leagues with his new girlfriend Alison (Deanna Milligan). No one comments on his arrival initially, but everyone fears he has met the same fate as his older brother Sasha (William MacDonald) who also made it as far as the minors only to be cut before ever tasting “the show”. Sasha now spends his days drinking too much and sleeping on mom’s couch, dreaming of how talented his is and how close he came. To bide the time between Molson Canadians he plays on his other brother Victor’s (Alistair Abell) “senior men’s league” (which is a polite way to say “beer league”) hockey team, the Rhinos. Victor wasn’t talented enough to warrant a shot at a hockey career so he got married and had some kids and now owns a hockey shop and dreams the Rhinos can win a district cup.

The dramatic focus of the film comes in the form of Kanachowski matriarch and hockey mom to end all hockey moms Ellen (Gabrielle Ross). Ellen is a focused and determined woman, determined that at least one of her boys will realize his hockey dreams and get the hell out of their tiny industry town. She blames Alison for not supporting Stefan enough and Sasha for setting a bad example, never suspecting that Stefan may have quit, not been cut, in the pursuit of “a normal life”.

What struck me most about this film was the underlying honesty, even if most of the characters are lying, either to each other, or to themselves. The sensitive script by Rudy Thauberger manages to avoid sports clichés and instead focuses on the complicated family drama. Stefan’s love of hockey is tied inextricably to his love for his mother, so his choice between chasing a dream that has probably already passed him by and settling down with his long suffering girlfriend is particularly loaded, making the ended all the more tragic. The other dramatic driving force is the tension and petty jealousies between the brothers, a situation so ultimately volatile it reduces the “big game” (yes, there is a “big game” but you almost wish they don’t get there) to a pissing contest.

Left to less talented actors all of this risked devolving into a melodramatic soap opera on ice, but surprisingly everyone manages to keep up with each other. The obvious standout of course is Gabrielle Ross as Ellen, a character so unlikeable that it would have been easy to turn her into a caricature. Luckily Ross is able portray both Ellen’s strength and her vulnerability in the pursuit of “what’s best” for her boy.

“The Rhino Brothers” also betrays the fact that it is a first feature by looking and sounding absolutely gorgeous. The crisp HD cinematography is a jewel among the usual shoddy shot on DV look of a lot of Canadian independent film, and the soundtrack by Shane Harvey gives a nice homey feel to the proceedings. The DVD is fairly sparse on special features, it does include brief cast and crew bios and trailers for the film (and for a documentary on the 1972 Canada-Russia series). But, I would highly recommend the commentary track by Beaver and some of the cast to aspiring film makers. Beaver goes into a quite a bit of technical detail and it should come as a surprise to no one that he teaches film making in Vancouver.

However, probably the best surprise of the movie was that not only could all of the lead actors skate, they could actually play hockey.

Woooo Hoooo!!

I just found out that Film Threat has agreed to post my article on how to Pick-up Guys at a Film Fest (below) on Valentine's Day!

Eric Campos said, and I quote: "Absolutely love the "How to Meet Guys (Girls)" article. I'll definitely have it go up on Valentine's Day."

I do a giddy dance now....

I hope I get lots of Hate Mail.

How to Meet Guys (or Girls) At a Film FestivalAn Easy Guide in Ten Steps:

Just in Time for Valentine's Day ; )

Step 1 (Optional): Get dumped. Although not necessary, a devastating blow to your ego and soul can be just the motivation to put these steps into proper motion. Also, a film festival is a perfect divertissement with a plethora of entertainment options (a number of films to chose from, parties, and possibly even forums and seminars) and gets you “out of the house” as all of your friends keep whining at you to do.

Step 2: Choose your festival. If you’re following step one, then you might just pick the festival nearest your dumpage you can handle. Then again, if your first choice is the “All Holocaust Documentary Film Festival” you might want to wait for something whose content is a little less harrowing. [Then again, if that’s what you’re into you might as well go with it.] If you are lucky enough to live somewhere with a number of options geared towards specific interests and lifestyles then you can fine tune your approach. Otherwise, the following steps will help you attract exactly the kind of people you want to meet regardless of your viewing options.

Step 3: Get a pass. This is to ensure that you see the most films possible and maximize your chances for meeting Miss or Mr. Right. The less money you have to spend to accomplish this step the better. Many festivals require volunteers to help with everything from administration to serving the popcorn and will often compensate said volunteers with full passes or tickets to screenings. Volunteering is also a good option if you can spare the time as it gives you another chance to meet new people with similar interests (those being movies, film and cinema). Another option is to offer to write reviews for a local paper or a website you like. Depending on the festival, acquiring press accreditation can be quite easy, or a bit of a pain, but in general most festivals welcome increased exposure and will welcome you with open arms. Your other option of course is to make a film and submit it to the festival. Do what you have to.

Step 4: Wait. Regardless of how smoothly any festival is run, this step is likely inevitable. You will wait in line to buy tickets or passes. You will wait in line to get into a movie. You will wait in line for food at the theater. You will wait inside the theater for the film to start or for the director to end his long winded not very informative introductions that only really applies to the five people in the first row who worked on the film with him. Take advantage of this time and don’t be afraid to start conversations with your fellow “waiters”. [But seriously, don’t talk while the filmmaker is talking, regardless of how long winded he is. That’s just rude.]

Step 5: Take advantage of built in opening lines. There will be tons of them and you yourself will hear them often. These lines do not necessarily mean that you are hitting on someone/they are hitting on you, but serve as perfect ice breakers. Examples: “Have you heard much about [film you are about to see]?” “Been to many films so far/Seen anything good/interesting/funny/sad/scary etc. so far?” “Do you know much about [blank] director/actor/genre/country films?” You get the idea. Regardless of whether or not the person you are speaking with can actually answer the question in the affirmative, you have just started a conversation. For better or for worse, just roll with it (in case of “worse”, see step 7).

Step 6: Dress to impress. This is to help with steps 4 and 5. Try to wear your interests and personality on your sleeve: literally. This makes you approachable and gives people who want to approach you an opening. T-shirts and hoodies with catchy slogans or moments/ideas from your favourite movies are good options, just make sure they don’t have holes/giant ketchup stains on them. [Washing them before you wear them also helps.] Other options: a dapper hat, a good jacket, a nifty bag, patches, buttons and pins. References to films/other interests will also help differentiate between those who “get it” and "those who don’t". [Case in point: the girl at the Krispy Kreme who looked at my “Night of the Living Dead” patch and exclaimed “Hey, it’s Avril Lavine”.] Avoid conversation with these people like the plague as it will only lead to throbbing head pain.

Step 7: Bring props. An extension of step 6, this is also handy for avoiding “those who don’t”. A book or magazine can serve as an opening, or as a way to ignore people you’d rather not talk to. Other good ideas: snacks to share (this is especially good if you made them yourself as it gives you a chance to showcase your domestic skills, marginally more impressive if you are male), a deck of cards, or pen and paper for tick-tack-toe.

Step 8: Get business cards. It doesn't really matter if you actually do anything or not, just make sure they have your name on them and some contact information (phone, email, whatever you’re comfortable with). You can even make them yourself on the computer and customize them with cute little graphics etc. This not only eliminates the awkward “hey, let me find and pen to scribble on this wrinkled piece of lint I just found in my pocket” moment, it also make you look professional. Hey, it’s the early stages, they don’t need to know the truth yet.

Step 9: Take advantage of the other festival related functions. Most festivals will have various parties, seminar, panels and other functions scattered throughout the proceedings. Do what you can to weasel your way in, and schmooze, schmooze, schmooze. Again, refer to step 5 when you’re stuck.

Step 10: Follow up. Okay, so the festival’s over, you’ve barely slept and your eyes feel like they’re going to fall out from all the amazing (or not so amazing) films they’ve absorbed. Take a brief moment to massage the kinks out of your poor abused posterior, then sift through that pile of business cards you’ve no doubt accumulated and start making contacts. Regardless of whether these steps actually garner you a date you’ve no doubt had fun, met some new people and had some good conversations. Also, hanging out with new friends expands your social circle which in turn expands the date finding field. If you do manage to get a date, best to keep things casual, maybe suggest coffee or a drink. Or, you could go see a movie.

Look What I Made!!!!!

tee hee.

I know it's not very impressive to most of you, but I just taught myself how to do this.

You'd never guess I work on the Internet.

February D.o.S. Schedule

(Republished from Last_Time. A lot of people have complemented me recently on my write-ups so I decided to include them with my other movie ramblings.)

Tuesday Feb 3:
SATAN!! (Special guest in attendance)
7pm -- The Devil Rides Out [1968]: Watch Christopher Lee (Sarumon from LoTR) take a break from the capes and the stalking to play a good guy (!) and kick some Satanic ass!! Watch him run, watch him punch... watch a guy with a goat's head on his noggin' do... something. A Hammer Films production.
9pm: Flavia the Heretic [1974]: More good ol' nun-ploitation, this time based on a true story and executed in true sleazy Eurotrash fashion. Those who caught "Alucarda" at last year's Cinemuerte should not miss this.

Tuesday Feb 10:
'60's Literary Girl's Trash
7pm: The Stepford Wives [1975]: Just in time for the big budget Nicole Kidman remake. If you don't know what it's about then you should probably read more.
9pm: The Valley of the Dolls [1967]: Not to be confused with the Russ Meyer/Roger Ebert collaboration "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls" (sorry Beej) this is trashy soap opera drama at it's best. And if you did get confused, then you should probably read more.

Tuesday Feb 17:
Just Because You're Paranoid...
7pm: The Manchurian Candidate [1962]: Again programmed to usurp the big budget remake coming this summer (much to Meeko's horror as this is one of her all time faves). Brilliant black and white photography highlights the creepy tale of Korean War vets brainwashed into become sleeper agent assassins. With startling parallels to the Bobby Kennedy assassination and the fact that it was pulled from circulation by Frank Sinatra (who stars as well as produced) in 1963 following the JFK assassination) the film's ability to chill still resonates all these years later. And if that doesn't freak you out, then Angela Lansbury (one scene, you'll know it when you see it) certainly will. Also, this movie justifies John Frankenheimer's status as one of the Great American Directors. "Reindeer Games" and "Ronin" never happened.... just keep repeating....
9pm: The Parallax View [1974]: Treading on similar paranoid territory this time helmed by Alan J. Pacula ("All the President's Men") and staring Warren Beatty and Hume Cronyn.

Tuesday Feb 24:
Over the Top Asian Trash (in honour of Owen's Birth)
7pm: Twins Effect [2003]: When American pop stars cross over into movies we get trite bullshit like "Crossroads" and "A Walk to Remember". When Asian pop stars make movies they star as kung-fu fighting, wire-flying, ass kicking vampire slayers. Featuring the Canto-Pop sensation The Twins and Jackie Chan in a humourous cameo.
9pm: Happiness of the Katakuris [2001]: If the words "Miike", "musical" and "dancing zombies" don't mean anything to you, you obviously have no soul.